sitting in the dentists office now, listening to one of those god awful drills. Anxiety level has reached maximum. Let's get this over with!

I am currently sitting in a pedicure chair, updating. Loves it!

I'm getting a pedicure and full set; the perfect end to a three day weekend. I am royally pissed it was disgusting out all weekend, hence the splurge.

Ok this is way more of a pain than I expected. Pictures and more rambles later, when I have access to a real computer.

I had a magically, fantastical weekend last weekend.  Friday Fred went to see the Dark Night with Joe, so I had the whole house to myself.  I spent some much needed quality time with the dogs, then crashed the hell out because Thursday I had gotten - not so magically or fantastically - drunk.  Right, well.  Learned my lesson there... I am no longer 21 and stupid, namely.  I honestly have no clue how I got as far gone as I did.  I think it was because I was sitting the entire time, and it didn't hit me until I stood up to walk out the door.

Anyway, after a truly miserable Friday at work I went home to be lazy and try to regain some strength.  I worked Saturday, then went shopping for a new bathing suit and sandals.  We had plans to go to Alexander Springs on Sunday, so I felt the need for a cute new ensemble.  I scored a top that matches bottoms I already have for half off, and adorable silver sandals for $4.97.  I love sales at Beall's.

I picked up my five year old twin cousins, Mia and JJ Saturday evening, because I wanted to take them with us to the springs since we were going with Joe and Shirley and their boys.  We went out for pizza for dinner, a yummy splurge for me, and Fred asked the kids after if they wanted to go for ice cream.  Of course they said yes, so we made a trip to Ritter's (home of freaking delicious frozen custard not ice cream) which further sabotaged my healthy eating.  I only had a scoop of vanilla in a plain waffle cone, so I didn't do too bad.  I love how Fred is with the twins.. it is so cute to watch him interact with kids and picture him being a father some (very distant) day.

We woke up freakishly early Sunday because Fred had to work on a family friend's office computer before we went to the springs.  Finally we got there and met up with Joe and Shirley and the boys.  It was such a perfect day for the springs!  So sunny and hot so the water was awesome, but we also procured a covered pavilion in the trees to grill lunch.  The kids all got along fabulously and did awesome sharing the water toys.  They also did great swimming.  We had dinner at Joe and Shirley's and finally dropped the twins off around 9.  I was exhausted at that point, and unfortunately that is when the day went to shit.  We got home and our A/C was broken.

With sunburns and having spent all day in the heat, it was not a pleasant night.  Monday we cleaned up the house so we could have the land lord call a repair man, so that was a very sweaty, miserable night.  Also, Monday morning my mother got to work and informed me their neighbor had passed away over the weekend.   That is a whole long absolutely terrible story in itself... he had just beat throat cancer with a several week schedule of twice daily chemo, when he contracted pneumonia and subsequently, MRSA.  Due to having a DNR order in his living will, they did nothing to fight it at that point and his wife of 26 years had to helplessly watch him die.

Yesterday was his funeral.  He was a Marine, so they had a Marine Honor Guard.  I held it together ok until they did the presentation and played Taps.  I had never been to a funeral with that before; it was beautiful and heart wrenching to watch.  Being there also just brought back being at my grandmother's funeral only a few months ago, which compounded things.

Today seems to be looking up though.  Our A/C has been repaired, I made us delicious dinner, and I got a good bit of laundry done.  I also found out tonight that my cousin's girlfriend is pregnant with their second child, only he's just left her... yeah, all I could do was shake my head at that one too.

Whatever, people.  Anyway, here's a picture or two because I owe justinluv a zillion, and I like to show off my puppy.

Tonight is a me and the dogs night.  Fred is helping a friend paint his bar that will be opening soon, so I'm free as a bird.  And with this freedom, I shall clean the kitchen, put away laundry, and order Chinese take out.  I'm exciting eh?  I considered really spoiling myself with not only Chinese, but a trip to the tanning bed... but that requires much more effort than I am willing to exert.  I'm home, in sweatpants and a t-shirt.  One doesn't have to look pretty to go lay in a hot bed and sweat, but the girls in there are always drop dead gorgeous and so put together, I hate going in in sloppy clothes.

In other shallow news, I have a huge Bath and Body Works order on its way to me.  Happy.  I am scheming to get Fred to go on a Coach splurge for me, not on a new bag but on the lip gloss, fragrance, and lotion.  We'll see how that works out.

And I am DONE, d-o-n-e with my friggin' hair, and have got to do something soon.  I'm calling my mother in law's lady tomorrow, who likely won't be able to fit me in her schedule but can tell me who else in her shop she might recommend for a new cut and high lights.

I have a lengthy post brewing concerning friends and such, but I have to pick up my food now so it will have to wait.

Fred's dinner is in the oven, dishes are done, kitchen is clean, two loads of laundry are done with one more in the dryer and one in the washer, and now I take a break... to post a zillion dogger pictures.

YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine ... You're on my list, so I want to know you better!

Heath Ledger is dead.  That makes me so sad... I've always liked him, since 10 Things I Hate About You.

:(

So today started out all shitty and what not, lack of sleep from the pup, awake for good since 6 AM... stupid mistakes made at work by other people causing huge issues for me.

But by twelve o'clock today I've made $400 in bonuses, $300 of which is cash, $100 of which is VISA gift cards.

Perhaps this will be a good week after all.

The one album that will always and forever be my favorite is Bush - Sixteen Stone.  I'm not sure why... it wasn't at the very top of my list when it came out, but its been there for a while.   Machine Head is an important song for me.. again, unsure why but its one of those songs that's always there when something goes wrong, and when things are going right and I happen to hear it, it makes me feel exhilarated and invincible.   The rest of the album is pretty sweet too, with a decent blend of mellow music.

I find it very strange that I had an answer for this.  I have such a ridiculous range of music in my library, and quite an aversion to settling on one option.

It is nearly 12:30 and I am on the couch, snuggled up in a sleeping bag with one Doberman puppy snuggled next to me.  Today's schedule did not allow for the typical 2+ hours of play time she gets directly before bed, and as such she is uninterested in sleeping in the crate.  Generally, I'd let her cry it out (though I am happy to say it hasn't even been an issue recently) but Fred has to be awake at 5:30 in the morning and as I'm already 150% unable to sleep, I figure I'll be the amazing wife I am and keep her occupied (read: quiet) so he can sleep peacefully.  One of us should be able to get a good night's sleep anyway.  I'm sure I'll doze for a couple of hours here.

I really, really hope this doesn't set us back in her night time crate training.  I'm thinking it won't, but puppies like to make things difficult so who knows.  This is one of those times I am inclined to think that puppies SUCK, ha.  Its hard to be upset with her when she's so adorable, snuggled down and snoring softly.  We'll just chalk this up to post-surgery spoiling, ok?  Ok.

Cross posted to dobermans so forgive the dog-rambling and proceed to the cute pictures :)
Sara has been home for... four weeks today.  We've made tremendous strides with the crate, potty training is coming along, and socialization is a daily adventure.  I am extremely cautious about the latter due to her not being fully vaccinated, but have the good fortune of having friends and family with vaccinated, healthy dogs.  Thus far she has met: Gizmo, obviously; Harley the rambunctious 2 year old Boxer; Gidget, the crotchety old Poodle/Bichon mix; Dixie, the goofy mellow Great Dane; Oliver the territorial retriever mix; Kila, the obscenely hyper year-ish old pit; and oodles of cats.  I also have the good fortune of owning an insurance agency, which includes the luxury of taking her to work.  She has met every shape, size, age, and color of person.  She has also made fast friends with children close to the family.  Given all of these, where else might you suggest I take her?  I'm very wary of public animal areas, but  any suggestions are welcome.

I went into this expecting a ton of work, which I think has made things worlds easier on me.  Oh it is work, and exhausting at times, but this time around (unlike the surprise gift of Gizmo) I was fully prepared.  The husband is still getting used to the amount of time and attention a puppy requires, but he's coming along well.

And now... a bazillion pictures because of course I think my dogs are the cutest things on the face of this planet and of course everyone else must think so too, haha.



We just bought a new digital camera today, so this is my promise for the pictures to improve.

Holy shit, I'm getting married in two days.

And in the last three weeks, life has blown up in an explosion of falling apart and together and everything in between.

But. I'm getting married. I'm happily stressed dealing with last minute details.

The brief run down of why life sucks/rocks:

10/30: Mom breaks her hip.
11/2: Sitting in Mom's hospital room, she's just had hip surgery and is appropriately doped up, and out of it... an oncologist walks in. And so I find out my mother has cancer. Thanks for hiding it from me, Family.
11/4: Wake up with enormously swollen left side of face, due to wisdom teeth. Fred makes me an emergency dentist appointment and I find out they are in fact impacted, infected, generally unhappy being in my head and must be pulled.
11/8: First attempt at tooth extraction.. still too infected, mouth won't open far enough.
11/10: My bridal shower, which my mother wasn't able to attend being one week out of hip replacement surgery.
11/11: 8AM, second attempt at tooth extraction. Despite tears, anxiety attacks, and nausea everything goes well I am minus two teeth... and on the way to work. Because my mother and I are the only agents in our office, and for all intents and purposes it is currently my office because it only has me. Therefore I get two teeth yanked, and proceed to work an 8 hour day.

Things have been pretty smooth since then. Other than popping up with an EAR INFECTION four days before my wedding. That was awesome, really.

But now I have a to do list, and two days until my wedding. And oh yeah, Fred has been out of town since last Sunday. He's at the ADT tournament with the LPGA, at Trump International, while I'm here working, finishing wedding plans, and suffering through ear aches. But that's ok; he sent me this cute picture:



That rotates on every scoreboard on the course through out the week. How cool is that? No one will tell him who did it, but according to him it had to have been someone that ranks.

More than likely the next time I post here, I'll be Mrs. Weston. How crazy is THAT??

Aerosmith - Dream On is currently my anthem. Kudos to Fred for having the sweet mix cd on in the car when I took it last night.

I'm waiting for the termite inspector dude to show up. I get to be late for work and I didn't even get to sleep in. Dammit.

My wedding invitations were delivered yesterday. Seeing it in writing was definitely a wow moment. Two and a half months. It scares me because I have so much to do, but I can 100% say I am not worried about the whole biggest-step-of-my-life, committed-to-him-forever aspects. I am so excited, and ready for the whole shebang to be here. The rehearsal, wedding, reception, honeymoon.. 2007 is going to be the best year of my life. At least until we decide to reproduce, but that won't be for quite sometime.

I'm a lucky girl. And when its not one in the morning, and I'm not PMSing so much, and I haven't (yet) had a shitty day, thats ok with me. I'm a Libra. Love is paramount. And I have more love in my life than I know what to do with, so I suppose thats all I need.

Ok, love and the occasional shot (or six) of Patron. Yep.

One week ago today I found out one of the most influential people in my life passed away. Oddly enough, though I considered her important, someone I respected greatly, and someone it was a privilege to have known, I had never prior to now considered her influential.

I'm not one of those people that can pin point specific people and events that had a huge impact on me or who I am. My life is a sum of twenty three years and some odd days, each second contributing the outcome. I've made my mistakes and had my triumphs and here I am and this is what I have. Tomorrow may change that; it may not.

Mrs. Carlin was something else. I could say so many things about her that sure, are qualities of an amazing person. But there are so many things I can't articulate that are the qualities she had that made her who she was to a lot of people.

The last time I think I felt truly alive and like I might be going somewhere, was in high school, in her and Doc's classes. I'm not the sort to say I've changed much. But I'll be the first to say I'm also not the same person I was then. Since high school, and certain events during, I've weighed every failure or triumph against what they thought I could be, what I should be. And having let the last five years slip by with nary an effort on my part to be what I should be, or keep up with the two people who showed me what I should be, I hate myself now.

My life could be dramatically different now. I've known that for a few years. For the first time I'm thinking that 'could' might possibly be a 'should'. Such an enormous difference for changing just a couple letters.

In all honesty, I don't know what I could or should be now. I know what I wish I had been all those years ago, and where I wish I was going then. I know I wish I had something to go back and share with them in the past five years. Not only am I mourning the loss of a person far too soon in her life, I'm mourning myself. I don't even recognize my thoughts or feelings or where I am sometimes. This has made me cling so hard to whispering dreams, and think.. maybe. Despite all my down falls and stupid mistakes, and being 17 or 18 years old, I'm afraid I was far better equipped to handle that maybe then than I am now.

Really, this started out with an entirely different purpose. And now I can't even eke out a fraction of what I want to get out of me. I thought maybe with some time to stew on it, I might be able to do the lady justice with words I had to share. There is no doing her justice. She was an English teacher, a friend, a wife. She touched so many lives, as evidenced by the turn out and words at her funeral.. mine feels pretty damn insignificant right now.

Maybe I can start today. And change bit by bit. And maybe, five years from now, I'll be back to some semblance of who I was then, with a little seasoned me thrown in. Maybe then I'll feel alive and useful again.

Rest in peace, Mrs. Carlin. You lived a good life.

I'm sitting on my couch having just finished a lunch of iced tea and sushi.. and I have absolutely no obligations.

I'm off work.

I went animal grocery shopping.

I went people grocery shopping, with the fixins for a mighty tasty steak dinner sitting in my fridge.

Fred is off at the springs... which makes me a little sad I'm not there.

But I have the (relatively clean) house to myself.. nothing I have to do..

And it feels damn strange.  But I like it.

There's always tomorrow for productivity.  I'm vegging the rest of this day, by golly.

I wouldn't specifically classify myself as a liberal. I have very strong opinions about each little thing, absolutely none of which coincide. I'm just strange like that. I'm still working on figuring out how I can be *so* Southern, without many of the common Southern faults. The world may never know.

Anyway, this is a fairly accurate description of me nonetheless. Its interested, because I value the abstract and dreaming and all sorts of wacky things, but logic always wins. Science frequently wins. And Jesus based thinking... well that rarely wins. I have always said, I am not an optimist, I am not a pessimist... I am a realist.

I was a little peeved this morning to see the steady down pour, but thats mostly because I place way too much sentimental value in special events.  Its the 4th?  We MUST go to Granada with the Picas and watch fireworks and sing and enjoy it.  It just HAS to be that way, right?  Then I got over it, because here in FL we desperately need the rain.  And really, memories can be made all the time right?

Then I sat on my back porch a little longer, and am a little worried our house might actually flood.  We've gone from standing water in the low areas, to standing water in.. *looks around* about 80% of the back yard.  Its creeping up to even with the pavers just outside the one patio door, and even just about even to the other door which is worrisome because its a rather low area outside that door and if its that high over there...

But really, I'm probably worrying for no reason.  Even if the screened porch floods, there's another couple of inches to go before it gets in the house.  And as I type this, the pounding steady down pour has reduced to a slight to moderate down pour.  Still steady, but not as hard.  Poor Mister Gizmo-man is NOT a happy camper.  Luckily he got to go out when it was just a sort of drizzle.. I really hope it slows down to stopping soon because I don't look forward to having to walk him in the rain, as he makes me do in such conditions.  Thats right, I said my little 25 lb. wussy dog MAKES me do something... what can I say, I'm not good at being the boss of my pets.

In fact, all four cats are standing at the sliding glass door demanding I go to the store and purchase food, as I promised them I would when I woke up two hours ago.  Ok, ooone more cup of coffee, then I might get motivated.

This time of year kills me...

Mother's Day in May
Father's Day June 17
Dad's b-day June 27
Mom's b-day July 6
Fred's b-day July 14
Gizmo's b-day July 22
Jenn's b-day July 23
Shirley's b-day August 5

Not to mention my long and getting longer wedding shopping list.

We're going to pick up Fred's gift today though: a gun safe.  Both practical and something he wants.  I'm also getting him something else, but that remains a secret, assuming I can keep it from him for two more weeks.

There's a dead squirrel in my freezer.  Don't ask.

We met with our baker to finalize details on the wedding cake, and pick out the grooms cake.  Fred came up with a totally awesome arch and column design for his.. I can't wait to see it.

We bought his wedding band!  Well, put it on lay away.  I also found mine at a different jewelry store, for a much lower price.. I'll be going back shortly to get mine.

Engagement pictures were cancelled :(  Apparently the area of the beach we picked is obscenely busy on Saturday nights, so I have to call Monday to reschedule for a week night.

I dug an enormous chunk of glass out of my foot.  I didn't even feel it get there, and I'm talking large hunk here.

It is only nine o'clock, but I am very sleepy.  Maybe this will be an early Saturday night.

If I could quite browsing and buying wedding related items, I would probably be asleep in minutes.